Before kids, as many twenty-something’s do, I wasted a lot of time doing senseless shit.
Most nights, you’d be more likely to find me at a bar or at home with a drink in my hand than anywhere else doing anything else.
Even after having kids (when the breastfeeding phases ended), I found myself going through about 4-5 bottles of wine every week. On several occasions, I can remember finishing an entire bottle in one night.
During this phase of my life, I spent heaps of time lounging on the couch watching TV. Hubby and I would spend hours every night watching movies and episode after episode of our favorite shows. It never occurred to us that we were wasting valuable time. We wanted to spend our time that way.
Which now, blows my mind. What was the point?
Last year, the shift that happened within me not only changed my whole perspective on life in general, but it made waves in some of my not-so-healthy habits and tendencies.
I began to recognize a notable difference in the quality of my creativity when I drank versus when I was sober, and how writing came so much easier with a sober mind.
With that realization, I stopped drinking. Just like that. I do still enjoy an occasional glass of wine or social cocktail, but truthfully, my bottles sit on the shelf collecting dust most of the time.
In addition to dumping my unconscious dependency on booze, I also broke up with food.
While I’ve made healthy eating a priority for my family since the girls were born, I frequently continued to make poor choices for myself – just because.
Now, I eat food for nutrients and energy, not for flavor or to satisfy a craving. Honestly, the food I eat doesn’t even have to taste good. It doesn’t matter to me in the least. It needs to benefit my body in some way, and if it doesn’t, I don’t want it.
Along with the changes to my health, my desire to watch TV vanished. I can count on one hand the number of movies/shows I’ve watched in the last few months (aside from kids shows, of course), and even those I struggled to sit through. I couldn’t stop asking myself, “how is this benefiting me?”. The whole concept of entertainment became senseless in many ways.
I realize that most people won’t be able to relate, or even desire these changes for themselves. Truthfully, I never wanted to give up drinking or cheeseburgers or tv. They are the attainable luxuries of life, right?
But I never really made the effort to give them up – the appeal just dissolved on it’s own. I never imagined they would lose their significance – I depended on them constantly for comfort and fulfillment. Visualizing a life without them seemed futile. I couldn’t possibly do it.
At the root of it all, it turns out that the reason for all of these changes was an unexpected realization of something.
Suddenly I had this inimitable understanding with the universe – that the world needed me to discover and share my purpose. My gifts. My reason for being here. I was important. I could make a difference.
I no longer feared judgement from others. I no longer feared failure. I no longer needed acceptance or approval from others.
And I no longer needed certain things to comfort and fulfill me.
My passion for creating and writing gave me a higher sense of satisfaction than anything else ever had. My desire to learn and grow internally trumped all else. Everything else just seemed so small, so pointless.
After all, I was in control of my thoughts, habits, and actions. I had been putting my energy into the wrong things. I just had to realize it.
Eckhart Tolle says it perfectly:
“Some changes look negative on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge”.
A year ago, I was a stay at home mom, trying to get my little handmade business off the ground.
Today, I am a published author, the owner of two incredible businesses, a blogger, and completely, 100% UNSTOPPABLE.