Growing up, I never really had to worry about my weight. I was blessed with my dad’s metabolism and body type, which, for most of my life meant I could eat whatever I wanted and not exercise. My body wasn’t healthy, nor was it EVER fit, and I just sort of coasted that way.
In September of 2017, I went to a mom’s night out event for a fitness group my sister was a part of. She had been trying to get me to sign up for several months, but I wasn’t interested in the least. I absolutely LOATHED exercise and basically anything that involved being intentionally active.
To me, fitness was something for other people. It was always someone else’s passion or someone else’s goal.
It didn’t appeal to me, nor did it fit my lifestyle – especially after having kids.
At the event, several of the moms in the group convinced me to come to a free class to check it out. They insisted that they all felt like I did when they first started, reluctantly – but ended up loving it.
So I went that following week, and I was shocked to discover that not only did I NOT hate it… I actually enjoyed it! And so did my kids!
I immediately signed up for 2 classes per week.
At that time, I was in a pretty bad place emotionally. I was struggling to find myself again after having kids, and really just living in this space of confusion, frustration, and resentment.
You see, when I found out I was pregnant with my first in February 2015, I had just turned 30. I was in my third year of running my first business, I had some amazing friends and a dreamy relationship. I was living this fun, exciting, albiet reckless life. I felt like I was on top of the world – and in many ways I was.
I had never wanted to have kids. I disliked children in general, so finding out that I was pregnant was not an exciting moment like it is for most mamas. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
Suddenly, I had to stop drinking alcohol and caffeine, filter what I was eating and the things I was doing. I had to begin planning for the future. I had to educate myself on how to care for and interact with children. I had to completely rewire my brain for a job that I had never wanted or thought I’d have, all while dealing with some massive physical changes. I told myself over and over that I wanted this. Because from here on out, my child(ren) would come first – NO MATTER WHAT. Period.
From that point all the way up to last October, I was living my life in what my husband and I refer to as “the dark years”. Every single day was a mental struggle for me. Everything I did was for my kids, but while dealing with the tantrums and clinginess and no sleep, I kept thinking, “THIS is why I didn’t want kids”. Every day I missed my old life. Every day I missed my freedom. Every day I was dreaming about all of the things I could be doing with my time if they weren’t there. I felt like this wasn’t what I was meant to do with my life. I felt disconnected. Lost. I felt like I was living someone else’s life.
I never wanted my children to feel like I didn’t want them or that they weren’t important. The second I decided to become a mom (or fate, rather, decided for me), I knew that I wanted to create a nurturing environment for them that was happy, safe, and full of love. Even if I was fighting emotional battles internally, they would never EVER see it, feel it, or know it.
In many ways, having kids was the ultimate life challenge for me. It was something that scared the shit out of me, something that I didn’t think I could do… so I challenged myself to not only do it, but to be freaking awesome at it. And I was. I am! The extra mental effort I had to make caused me to be more present, aware, and therefore, more intentional. But no matter how kick ass I was at momming, something was missing.
Then I found Fit4Mom. Here was another CHALLENGE. Here was something I had never really stuck with or been good at. Here was an opportunity to push myself mentally and physically.
I took it and ran with it.
Not only did my body change, but my mood changed. My motivation changed. Wheels started turning in my brain that I thought had permanently rusted over.
I began to MOVE again.
These small changes initiated a massive shift in my life. I went from being this mentally sedentary person, to now, only a few months later, launching my second business, building this blog, and co-authoring a book. I went from not knowing who I was, to being proud of my journey and owning who I am and what I’m made of.
Although I’m pretty sure I’ll be a Fit4Mom member forever, I will always be grateful to my fit-sisters who convinced me join. Without that encouragement, who knows where I’d be today!