Q: How can I move past something that emotionally traumatized me years ago, without having to relive that aspect of my life? – Jen B., Colorado

Angelica: I spent the greater part of this morning in my backyard, gardening and tending to my ever-growing outdoor to-do list. At any given point this summer, it has felt as though my vegetable garden is just days away from failing. Right now there are heaps of weeds sucking the energy from all of my healthy plants. They are obstructing the sunlight and stealing the nutrients; siphoning vitality from everything they surround. I can clip the tops and they will grow back. I can throw mulch on top, but they will eventually poke through. It is not until I get to the root of the problem (literally) that I can permanently rid my garden of these life-sucking weeds.

Emotional pain in our lives can oftentimes be just like these weeds. Draining precious energy away from the health and happiness that would thrive under better circumstances.
If you want to get rid of the weeds for good, you must get under the root and rip the entire thing out.

I see this type of deep emotional pain quite a bit in my office, so I know how heavy it can be to carry. However, in order to move past a higher level of trauma, one must do the work to process it and put it away. If you try to discard it without grasping the ins and outs of the pain, it will likely rear its ugly head again and again.
Unfortunately, there are no fast fixes to heal the wounds of emotional trauma. The road is a bumpy one, but well worth traveling for the empowerment found at the other end.

To get moving in a positive direction, here are 3 actionable steps I recommend you take:

1. Be patient with yourself – This is a marathon and not a sprint. Be patient and please hear me when I say that this work is deep, vulnerable, and hard. It shows so much strength to reach out for help to better yourself.

2. Identify your support people – Knowing who you can rely on for positive support is crucial during times of change and self improvement. Make a list of the people in your inner circle, people that you trust who have your best interest in mind.

3. Find a therapist – This type of work is heavy and tough. I encourage you to find a therapist to help you work through it, one that you connect with and feel comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to shop around and find someone that makes you feel heard and understood.
Sites that I recommend:
Good Therapy
Psychology Today

Let me or Bex know if we can help you with accountability on these steps. We’re here to help you through this!

Ask Angelica is a new feature on Her Brilliant Life, where readers can submit questions concerning motherhood and personal development to a Mental Health Therapist.
To learn more about Angelica or to submit a question, click here!

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