Since becoming a mom in 2015, frustration and resentment have been a big (but silent) part of my every day life, with increasing intensity. Especially towards my husband.
What I assumed, and ultimately adopted as my truth for the last several years, is simply that I hate being a mom. I never wanted to be a mom. I wasn’t made for it. It wasn’t my calling in life.
This has been my identity.
So last Monday, while listening to a podcast focused on female founders, I found myself turning up the volume when this successful mompreneur began talking about her home life. I was intrigued. She shared that her husband was the sole caregiver to their two children; a real life stay-at-home-dad, and without him, she wouldn’t have been able to build her successful business or accomplish all that she had.
She went on to explain that in relationships, there’s typically a “nurturer” and a “provider”. The nurturer is the person who takes on the duties at home: child rearing, household duties, meals, etc. The provider is the one who essentially protects and provides for the family, allowing the nurturer to do their job.
In order for a couple to find harmony and balance (especially when there are children involved), there must be one nurturer and one provider. You can’t have two people who want to stay home and take care of the family/household, but you also can’t have two people who are success/career-driven. It just doesn’t work. One or both people will end up feeling discontent, unfulfilled, and resentful.
I had known for several years that my husband was very career-driven, but I hadn’t really thought about what drives ME.
I had spent the last three years of my life indignant about motherhood, instead of realizing that the resentment and frustration I felt was caused by a shift in my entrepreneurial mindset – a shift away from it.
I’m naturally driven by my passions, work, and my entrepreneurial fire. They propel me forward with enthusiasm and excitement. Without these things, I feel disconnected and lost.
This revelation not only showed me that my aversion to motherhood was not solely responsible for my recent frustrations, but it was also the loss of TIME to devote to the things that light me up.
My time has proven to be the single most difficult thing to let go of. And time is not set in stone.
My kids will keep growing. They’ll become less dependent on me. They’ll start school. They’ll start hanging out with friends and going places. They’ll get jobs. They’ll go to college. They’ll start their own lives. And I’ll eventually have time when they’re not around to focus on my passions and pursue my goals. I’ll be able to squeeze in more time here and there as they grow, but for now, in this season/phase/chapter of life, I’ll take what I can get – with a thankful heart.
My time will still be there waiting for me, because I know right now, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN & PUBLISHED IN 2018.
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